Goshen County Photographer: Give voice to your powerful self

I’m the kind of person who lays awake at night long after my husband falls asleep.  My brain whirls with what I need to do, what I should be doing and my all-time favorite, that what if game…

What if I screw up?
What if I fail?
What if I blow it?
What if no one likes it?
What if what I’m doing right now is screwing up my kid’s future?

The subject of the what if game can oscillate between my business, my writing, my relationships with people, my parenting skills and my life in general.

These worries, the what ifs, not only cause me to lose sleep, they also stop me from being the very best version of myself that I can be.  Questions turn to doubt, doubt turns to fear and fear stops me cold in my tracks.  It roots me into the grounds so firmly it would take one seriously big ol’ excavator to dig this mama out of her trench of safety and self-preservation.

Take yesterday for instance.  I shared a photo I was pretty excited about in an online forum.  I knew the photo wasn’t perfect, but it represents tremendous growth in my ability as a photographer.  I asked for ideas on how it could be improved.  One answer left me shaken to my core.

“It would be better if you gave the camera to someone who knew what they were doing.”

All my hard work, all the pride I felt in growing my skills went out the window in a single, thoughtless comment.

Y’all, I know I’m not the best photographer in town.  I’m probably not even the second, third or fourth best in town.  I have a lot to learn and I’m committed to getting better each and every time I pick up my camera.  I can take constructive criticism.  But this…this was gut wrenching.  It was cruel.

For two days, this comment ate at me. It was eventually deleted from the forum, either by the admins or by the poster himself.  But I couldn’t delete it from my memory.

Why are we so quick to believe the worst someone says about us?  One rude comment from someone and POOF!  Our self-esteem goes out the window in a puff of smoke. We have a smorgasborg of positive comments to choose from, said with kindness and admiration to choose from and yet we give more weight to the jackwagons of the world.  Those hurtful comments stick to us like wet sand, weighing down our hearts and minds.

No more.  Say it with me, friends.  NO MORE!

We need to stop listening to that voice that is holding us back.  Call it the devil’s voice.  Call it the voice of a random jerk in the photography forum.  Heck, let’s call it Steve.

Because Steve doesn’t just whisper what might go wrong.  Oh no.  Steve has also convinced us that we aren’t worthy of our goals and ambitions.  He can makes us feel guilty for daring to be better.  For growing as humans.

“What if you screw up?” Steve asks me on a regular basis.  “What if you’re nothing but a big flat failure? Hahahahaha!”

Y’all, let’s just stop.  STOP listening to Steve.

We have to stop relinquishing power to the people who want us to fail.  They say rude things because they want us to feel small.  They NEED us to fail so they can feel vindicated because they aren’t brave enough to take chances.  They need us to fail because they can’t stand the competition.  They need us to fail to justify their small, scared existence.

I don’t want to live a small, scared life.  I won’t settle when I know I’m capable of more.

So join me on this quest to be our very best selves, won’t you?  Where we focus on the here and now.  Where we speak out loud, with brutal honesty and clarity, what we want from our lives.  Then we hit the mute button on Steve and we give ourselves permission to dream AND achieve without guilt or fear.  To fail. To learn. To grow.

I know it won’t be easy.  Steve has been hanging around my neck like an albatross for as long as I can remember.  Today he’s the random photography forum troll, but he’s taken many forms over my lifetime: an uncaring teacher, a smack-talking competitor, an uncaring ex, a jealous friend, an insecure fellow photographer.

But here’s the thing… the very best things in my life have come when I tell Steve to shut the hell up and I follow my own voice…taking the job at Game and Fish, marrying my husband, having kids, starting a blog, forming a business.  All those decisions came from my heart, not my head.  And they’ve led me to new and wonderful heights.

Steve is the past.  But not our future.

Tonight, as you lay your head down to sleep, I want you to listen to what’s in your heart.  Let that be the voice you hear.  Give volume to your powerful self, not your fear.   Let’s be a community that doesn’t whisper but ROARS.

–Teresa